Saturday, December 1, 2007

A Day Late and a Dollar Short


I know I said I wasn't blogging on weekends, but we've established my utter lack of veracity. I got inspired by a ferret.

Ed had a great blog about THE FRIDAY THINGY debate that has been raging (well not really raging, but earnestly being discussed) over whether to post snippets of writing on Fridays and forfeit first rights. He made an excellent point about doodling.

This is something I originally posted over on Aw in response to a question Lori posed about silly writing. Here it is. 600 hundred words. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I suspect that the bottle of wine had something to do with it. It's not publishable. Only writers or editors would read it and giggle. This isn't Friday, but here is my Friday post just a day late.

Conversations with a Reluctant Character

Grace paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection.

“Don’t call me Grace.”

“Why not? It’s a nice name.”

Eye roll. “Please. It’s just so done. No more puns on saving some chick named Grace. How amazing. Don’t reduce me to a cliché.”

“Okay, fine. How about Helen?”

Gagging noise. “As in Helen of Troy? Blech. No thanks. It’s been done, I told you. No Grace. No Helen. No Lilith. And no Kate. What is it with you people and the name Kate? Enough.”

“Okay, I hear you. What sort of name do you want? It’s got to be strong and meaningful. Something that can carry a trilogy.”

“Oh God. A trilogy. You aren’t going to send me on a quest are you? Please tell me there are no magical objects involved.”

“Um…..maybe.”

“Oh crap. Why me? I don’t want to drag some ill-matched caravan of stock players around misty plains and mysterious mountains looking for some freaking amulet. Give that line a rest, okay? One book. Just give me one book to deal with. I mean, I never wanted to be a main character anyway. Do you have any idea how much pressure that is? And then you spring the Oh, it’s really three books crap on me. Crappity-crap-crap-crap.”

“Going back to the name….Llanara’th?”

“What’s so wrong with Jane?”

“Jane? Well, it’s not very heroic, now is it? You need a heroic name, something grand. Think stronger.”

“Janice?”

“Stronger.”

“How about we shorten it to Llanara? I’ll even let you keep the double Ls. It sounds kinda made up, but like people could actually say it. Deal? Okay. Continue writing.”

Llanara paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection. They said she was beautiful with her long, flowing fiery red locks and her flashing green eyes, but…

“Whoa! Time out. I have major issues with this. Red hair? Green eyes? Do you have any idea how unusual those things are? Those would make me a little conspicuous, dontcha think? Try again.”

“Raven tresses?”

“Barf.”

“Silken, honeyed blonde?”

“Brown.”

“No.”

“Yes. There’s nothing wrong with brown hair.”

“It’s boring.”

“It’s normal. Normal is good. If I’m supposed to be a shepherdess swept up into a grand cosmic struggle….um…..that is where you were going, right?”

“Yeah, how did you….”

“You can’t honestly imagine I could slip in and out of taverns unnoticed if I’m a total bombshell.”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Obviously. And the hero doesn’t notice my beauty at first, right? Not until later.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Better tone it down. Brown will do nicely, thanks.”

“At least let me say Chestnut.”

“Fine. Chestnut it is. I don’t suppose you would settle for brown eyes, either. They could be hazel. Hazel is nice, but not too obvious.”

“Blue. I’ll settle for blue. It’s pretty, but not as weird as green.”

Shrugs. “I’ll take it. You may continue writing.”

Llanara paused beside the shimmering pool and glanced at her reflection. They said she was beautiful with her long, flowing chestnut locks and her flashing blue eyes, but…

“Um….”

“For crying out loud! Now what?”

“About the reflection business….”

“Yeah, I know. I know, okay. I really do. But I want everyone to know up front what you look like, okay? So you’re just gonna have to deal with this one. The reflecting pool stays. End of discussion.”

“You don’t need to get so huffy about it.”

“This was supposed to be fun. Writing should be fun or what’s the point? Sheesh. I’m gonna just skip ahead to something better. Maybe the scene where you save the hero during the tavern fight. That’s a juicy scene.” Rubs hands together. “You break a bottle over Lord Halpern’s evil henchman’s head and then cradle the hero against your heaving bosom. He looks into your eyes….”

“Yeah, about that whole me liking men part….”
<>

9 comments:

Arachne Jericho said...

I loved that post and it's great to see it again!

Both you and Ed posted meta stories and that's very cool. I love that sort of turn of narrative...

Mary B said...

Ed's post just reminded me of this one and I thought "why not?"

So I posted a ferret for him instead of a kitteh. :)

SanRemoAve said...

Very funny and great voice in that snippet. Now I wanna know what she thinks about men... ;)

Ed Pahule said...

I really liked that. That was great fun. And the ferret was a nice touch. :)

Midnight Muse said...

What's wrong with liking men? :D And smack that character for not wanting to be blonde, like me!

Mary B said...

You're not blonde, Muse! You're a black cat! Don't spoil my image. I correspond with a black cat with glowing red eyes, not an ordinary person in Seattle.

Right?

Right?

Verification word: Tezbws: Will probably win the Heisman trophy this year, even though he is just a sophomore.

Lori said...

Next up, Mary will be signing her comments with how she sees us, rather than with definitions for verification words like nurced.

Mary B said...

Oh look, the purple swirly is talking to me. Hi, Lori!

Anonymous said...

Maybe I just really think anything good can and should be published, but I thought that was hilarious.

I think you should submit it. (Yes, I'm serious.)

Jeanne